Thread:Darkclaw1444/@comment-33057205-20170920133259/@comment-33057205-20171029003235

A Poem From The Heart: The Story Of The Insecure And The Guiding.

We meet as aqquantences, just as strangers I was so shy, little did I know to be braver.

You welcomed me in with open arms, quite frankly I was a bit alarmed.

We spoke just as any aqquantences would, being in a humble family as kind as anyone should.

(Joining the family in OtakuRealm. Zemlin was the first person I had spoken to in this animo along with Jay, one of our little sisters.)

This family spoke, we bond, but eventually you saw my flaws.

Just a girl new to adulthood, her heart pierced with the harshest arrow she would desinigrate if she could.

(This being wt I was going to send u in pm and explain.)

My heart racing with guilt and fear of any discriminant thought as you only reached out to me with hopes I'd be taught.

("We seriously need to have a talk about how to reject people softly."~ Zem in a pm. There was a guy I was trying to show him to not loose hope in finding a significant other but then the others started saying ship and I was with Miura and didn't want to hurt him so I didn't know how to react and say I was with someone at the time. Eventually when I told him I couldn't explain myself clearly at all so there was a lot of misunderstanding.)

But I was lost, not knowing the pain my actions would cause. I was to blind to see that consequences that telling every truth straightforward would cost.

(I didn't know he would loose hope completely again amd I misunderstood what he was doing.)

My mind racing as I fear yet another loss. A few misunderstandings and I break down, lost in thought.

(From what was happening I thought he was going yo commit suicide.)

But thank the Lord this life was not lost and I felt so foolish as the soul that had lost the hope to love and to hold would simply return to his home.

(I was completely wrong on the thought he would end his own life.)

Feeling my complete ignorance but you stepped up with words of lecturing encouragement that I took in despite my mind bring clouded with self-doubt.

("We seriously need to have a talk about how to reject people softly."~ Zem in a pm. This is when he said that.)

This moment passes, only to bring about another wave of guilt as I try to cling to the accompaniment of another I was leaving. You seemed to prey for its best and at this moment I can only guess. Not knowing what life will bring in the future I only have hope that I will not loose another creature.

(When I was leaving the partner relationship with Miura)

As of now I can call you more then a brother as you pried a question due to a quote I had spoken after a thousand red shades of a blush had covered my face in a smother.

(The quote is from Sekaiitchi Hatsukoi, Ritsu's thoughts "Getting sucked in." I.e in this case, love.)

A game was played as our faces were slowly drawn nearer to eachother, my heart began to race and shivers delved down my spine one after another.

(This being the first time I play the pocky game but I knew fully wt it is and that this was planned, he's sly yet so am I bc I knew wt this was.)

My heart rate was at its peak when a friend squealed in innocent excited encouragement.

(This friend is Tomb Paw (Jocelyn/Joce-kohai) my bff irl, little sister in this amino. Her and Vik- friend in the family- just SOAKED this all up XD. THEY WERE ADORBS XD!!!)

Her excitement would happened to plummet as my nervousy got the best of me in that moment.

I would flee to a wall, you would trip, we would fall.

You would block me from the sting of the hard floor that soon after would make my soul speak from its core.

It showed you really cared, so why was I scared?

This one act of protectance, weather anyone realizes the impact it had on my heart or just accept it, would make me cling in shock at this newfound sense of security in gratitude and apology as I admit the words in full realization that I would want to return this same concern.

(I was actually touched when he twisted me so he would break my fall, ended up getting a bruise on his back in which I tended to later, this also lead to me explaining the appearance of my legs with my condition.)

Time passes and a memory rapidly flashes as something happens. I freeze in fear if these shameful visions as I run to my room, not wanting others to know of my past decisions as I sob once out if sight.

(Vik and Zem were joking and I instantly remembered the certain situation and I responded wrong, I should have just said something along the lines if walking straight to my room but instead I freaked out. I overreacted, that was so stupid of me. Now, I'm getting accustomed to their joking bc Zem knows.)

You approach me, little do I still know what was going through your mind as you came to my door with swift question and asked what was wrong.

I say the simple word of an antagonistic character. You ask for clarification and I tell you everything, my worries rising to complete suffocation as my mind whirled at what you would think.

For most of the next day my worries would cloud everything else from my focus until you replied.

I nearly shed tears of relief as you respond, seeming to understand. The acceptance of that past event was something I never would have expected from any in our family, considering the circumstances of our social capabilities being limited to shutting out physical pressence.

(That last line meaning this was online.)

Even after this, as self-conscious as I am you still encourage me to move forward and to not dwell on things so much.

You still want to protect me, you still try to make me laugh and smile. After all of this, the fact that you seem to care makes me think that giving our bond a chance will make my heart so much lighter.

After all of this my trust in you, despite the fact that I am shy, is making my heart beat as it speaks the words of "I love you.".